On May 21st 2001 I borrowed a car that belonged to my sister.  At the time she was in Germany, she is in the Military.  My whole family had permission to use it, my famlily all have their own vehicles inciding me, but we used her car sometimes.  I took the car and went out with some friends.  We smoked marijuana, drank alcohol and did cocain.  This for me is regular.  I am a drug addict. But on this night I did something I've only done a few times which is "Xanax", a perscription drug.  This drug is extremly danderous when mixed with alcohol. Well, me and my friends started with 4 pills each, but my friend had over 25.  After I took the pills I vagully remember the rest of the night. 

It was around 6:00 a.m., May 22.  when I woke up to a loud noise.  My friend was driving while I was in the passenger seat.  I told him to stop and I got out and saw that the whole front end is badly damaged and the front right tire is store off the rim.  This was the noise that woke me up.  It was making a loud grinding noise. I got in the passenger seat and continued to go home, I didn't even ask how it happened. I just knew the car was wrecked. I dropped my 2 friends off and went home.  
I parked the car in front by the drive way and went in the house.  My mother was awake and could tell I wasn't sober.  She asked where I was, but I just asked for the telephone.  I wanted to call a friend.  My mother said no, not until I told her where I was. I just turned around and left. I got in my car and went up the street to use the phone.  

In the time I was gone my father sees the car and tells my mother.  At this moment I'm gone, my family don't know what has happened.  They're thinking I am being chased, I hit another car or something bad.  So they call the police to make a report.  This happened while I've been up the street.  In the time I was gone maybe 10 or 15 minutes, a cop shows up at my home to do a report. I used the phone so now I'm heading home.  I am still high I'm not as messed up as when I took the pills, it's been like 3 hours so I'm coming down. 

I see the cop car as I get to my home. So instead of stopping I keep going.  I've had my experience with the law so I wasn't going to go home with a cop there.  Well since the cop asked what car I was in he knew it was me who passed by. He automatically leaves and follows me.  I go to a dead end street, not sure why? So I stop at the dead end and get out of my car. At this same moment the cop arrived and he gets out.  

I stand at the side of my car and ask him what's going on, he didn't respond instead he grabs me and paces me on the hood of my car.  He spreads my legs and does a search of my body.  Pats me down.  What he failed to do was find a gun I had in my back right hand pocket.  I'm still asking him if he can tell me what's going on, but instead he places a hand cuff on my left wrist.  At this time I don't know why I reached the way I did.  

I got scared, panicked, angry.  I don't know, but I wasn't myself.  At the time he places the cuff I reach for the gun in my back pocket, pull it out and turn and raise the gun and by the time I fully turned around I had fired one shot.  I just see this man fall. I can't say what really went thru my head.  But I panicked.  I grabbed his gun and left fast.  

This is my crime.  I know that I did something so bad.  I took a man's life.  I accept that I should be punished, but I don't believe I should pay with my life.  Why destroy 2 lives, 2 familys.  I know there is many people that suffer from what I've done.  The officer's family and my family.  But I don't believe that killing me will change things.  I can't.  My family has always been religious.  I've been raised in the church.  
I know the Religion, but I don't always follow the law of god.  

I do ask for forgiveness and I do forgive.  This is what Jesus Christ asks of us.  To be forgiving as he forgives.  We are all sinners.  A sin is a sin in god's eyes, no big no small, sin is a sin.  Forgiving is the key.  Poeple say they're christian and say people should pay eye for an eye, because it's in the Bible.  So they stick to that, but if they're children of god why not follow though you shall not kill, or why carry hate and seek revenge.  Does anyone know how to get into heaven?  

I am not a righteous person, I still sin a lot.  But with the will of God I will change.  
I pray I will be right with God before I die.  
I have a chance to change here, as for when I was free I was certain to go to hell.  I feel God put me here for a reason, and yes I killed the officer, but was God calling him.  I pray he was right with God.  If he was I believe he was forgiving me for the pain I've caused him and his loved ones.  

The death penalty works in crooked  ways.  Who deserves to die is all political.  Do just the poor who can't afford a good lawyer come to death row?  If you actually look at the Texas prison system as a whole, put all the people convicted for murder on a list.  You will see over 10.000 (I'm just guessing), tehre's a lot.  If you look at how many people there is on death row there is like 425.  They have executed over 300 since 1982.  

There is so many people who have done the same crimes or commited worse crimes than most of us and serving 25 years, 30 years, 40 years, even 99 years, but not a death sentence.  Over  10,000 people maybe 20,000.  I don't have access to these numbers.  For example, why can someone leave their home go with hate to someone's home with intend to just commit murder, stab this person with a knife in their hands and get arrested, but not even be eligible for the death penalty?  

You must commit a murder with another crime as in rape, robbery, 2 murders, a young child or a cop, firman, any state official basically.  Any one can shoot a gun, especially when they're scared or panick.  You would be surprised how many of us came to death row so young for big mistakes. 

In my case the court has proof I was intoxicated, a medical examiner testified what this drug does. I told them thet I "didn't think when it happened". I just "snapped" like a "reflex". I wasn't myself.  I "wasn't right in my mind".  Id on't want to say I'm not responsible 'cause I am.  But why can't I get a life sentence.  

In 2002, a man was sentenced to 40 years for killing one officer and shooting another during a drug sweep.  He was selling drugs and killed a cop and shot another.  And the same court gave him 40 years.  I firded one shot in the heat of a moment.  One second to lose control while I was intoxicated and I'm going to die.
Me and this other man were 18 at the time of our crime, why should there be a different punishment.  Who deserves to die?     And who doesn't?

I have lawyers on my appeal.  Appeal is where I'm fighting for my life.  The state of Texas assigned these lawyers, the same lawyer who was on my trial, that was payed by the court is on my appeal.
The court that sent me to death row is paying the people to try and save my life.  "Crazy, ain't it?"  I can't afford my own attorney or investigators so I have to accept the ones I get 4 free.  I don't trust them, because in order for them to keep getting clients by the state they have to please the court.  They do a half ass job.  

I am asking for anyone who can help me and my family with support mentally and financially: 
please contact me!   

I am currently asking for donations to pay for a private agency to handle my appeal and fight for my life. 

I can only get 40 years if I get my death sentence taken away.  Do you think 40 years is a long time? I am 20 now.  I would have to do at least 40 years, but I would be set free.  How old are you?  Has your life seemed a long time?  I know 40 years is a lot and I can assure my victim's family I would be behind bars.  But I have to fight hard and money is something it takes to fight.  & years is the running time for someone on death row.  I have to accept what I'm facing. I feel blessed to be alive and have family who cares and supports me.  Every thing is God's will, I leave my life in his hands, but my soul in mine . . .

TO CONTACT ME PLEASE WRITE TO:

Jesus Flores
# 999401 Polunsky Unit, D. R.
3872 F.M. 350 South
Livingston, Tx 77351
USA

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Thank you for taking time to get to know me.

Yours, 

Jesus Flores